Friday, December 13, 2013

What a difference a year makes!!



Last December 13th I got a polite but firm rejection from an agent I wanted VERY MUCH.

Now let's get this straight, here and now. I know she wasn't rejecting ME. She was rejecting my work. It's best to act like a grown-up in these situations and establish early on that one is a professional. But...

It stung. It hurt. I was so upset. 

I gave myself a few days to wallow, as is expected when we get an answer we do not like.
Pout and whine? Sure, but I had to grab those reins, put my foot in the stirrup and get back on the horse.

I decided to that my only option was to follow her advice, and the advice of my writer friends. I read over my stuff, and admitted that it was sub-par, that I had to work harder, to push myself to read more, study more, learn more and find it within myself to be BETTER.

But I did NOT do it alone. 

No writer works alone.

I offer my work to my Audience of One. I rely on my critique peeps to read my work and to lay everything out in black and white. I ask normals to read and tell me what they think. They're cute, those normals. All...normal and stuff.

And I do buckets of research!! I currently have a healthy library of craft books, no NOT to crank up my scrapbooking or glue gun skills, and 20 books about Navajo history.  

*Sidenote- it SLAYS me to read books written back in the 1960's or 70's. The condescending attitudes toward any culture that was not Anglo or industrialized is enough to make me want to scream. I'll read them, and learn what I can, but still? UGH!

So, between December 2012 and September, I went to "school". I read my favourites- all of Laura Frantz's books, and Lori Benton's Burning Sky. Over and over and over. 
I watched how they did what they do, took note of where my heart dropped and where it stopped altogether! Then I went back and applied those skills to my arsenal. Not on their level, of course, but I did kill a few darlings!

I have my own voice, my own way of telling a story, but learning from one's favourites is really, really helpful! 

As anyone who has read this blog since this past summer knows, I got rejected, again, on September 3rd. Once again, it hurt, and once again, I looked things over, talked to some very, very wise writer friends and did what I had to do to make my work stand out.
Which meant, with roughly a week before I left for the big ACFW conference in Indianapolis, a re-write, edit, and more tweaking of the sample chapters that had just been rejected. 

Holy frijoles, it was an insane amount of work. But, did I want to go and be impressive and leave at least a few people thinking "She has something special!"? Or did I want to go and hang out? I was NOT going there to socialize!! Okay, not *entirely*.  

My husband took care of things so I could burn that proverbial candle. And burn it, I did. But I had to work hard, work harder, and then lay it all at the feet of my King.

The moral of the story?

Writers? God gives you the desire, the ache to tell stories. He gives you the brains. He opens the doors for you to learn, to grow and to bring your book baby to life. He wants your best. Not 'your best as defined by how you compare yourself to others', but He wants you to trust Him with your best.

I went to the conference on the 12th. 
I saw people I'd only met online.
I felt overwhelmed at times.
At other times, I managed to stay above water and breathe in the moment.
And most importantly? To live the moment I was in.

Even though I had an appointment with My Dream Agent on the 15th, at 9am.

I was SO ENTIRELY clueless, that at one point when I saw her, I asked her if I should bring my stuff.
I know, right? DUUUUH. Hey, I'd never been to a writer's conference, so all weekend, I basically wore my name-tag upside down ...


And as most of you know, on that September morning, as I wondered what the heck as going to happen, my Dream Agent offered representation, and I cried. A lot.



There are two days in my writer life that I'll always remember. 

December 13th, when I stood at the base of the mountain and looked WAY up, self-doubt pressing into my heart. 
And September 15th, when my world changed direction and I could barely speak for the joy of it all. 

Both are equally important, because on both those days, standing in front of me, was God asking "To whom will you build an altar?"


Him. Always Him. 






7 comments:

  1. Beautiful, Jennifer. God is so good.

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    1. Thank you!! I am SO GLAD we're in the same agency! They have a sense of adventure, and are all very accomplished women, and they are sweet as pie. And I have no fear we're both in fabulous hands!

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  2. Jennifer, I love seeing the Lord at work in every stage of your journey.
    I'm in a waiting period with my own writing, and I should probably get used to it, as it will happen many more times in the future, but there are many days where I consider throwing in the towel. What does it matter if anyone reads this drivel (as my writing inevitably looks after the twenty billionth read through). But if I give in to the self doubt, I'm in essence being disobedient to the One who got the ball rolling in the first place.

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    1. Hi Jenni!!

      Yes, self doubt has the same effects as poison, doesn't it? One sip is all it takes, then it spreads and destroys the whole person!
      Hang on, even if that's all you can do. Remember WHY you started down this crazy road in the first place? For the joy of writing! Keep at it, stay the course!!

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  3. I love it, Jennifer. I love it because I remember the first time you introduced yourself to me on my blog, and I love it because I was there just moments after she offered representation. I love it because we're agency-mates and because you are an awesome woman who is full of contagious joy! I've received three rejections now that have stopped me in my tracks and caused me to reach out and touch the raw place where God has pruned me. It's in those places that He's pruned that I know I'll eventually bear a harvest of fruit--but as the pruning is taking place, it hurts. But, it makes the joyful moments even more wonderful.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. (I had a massive typo in the first reply :P) Hi Gabe!!Oh my, yes, pruning HURTS. But that is what makes the tree full of life and beauty, right? It doesn't take away the pain, but it promises a future of discipline, and the rewards are amazing. I remember seeing you right after Mary offered representation and I was a basket case!! I think you knew, didn't you? WHo wouldn't clue in!? Not with the faces I was making and the tears! AH!! What a day!!!

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